Why Gay People Want to Get Married

There are probably several reasons why gay people want to get married – love, stability, normalcy and maybe a little envy.  I do know that when you’re gay and grow up watching heterosexual people fall in love and get married, it makes you want to have that same thing in your life.

The desire to have stability in one’s life is probably the most practical reason why gay and lesbians wish to walk down the aisle but it probably isn’t a good reason by itself. Love helps. When two people love each other, they should have the option to spend their lives with each other and not in just a living arrangement; that kind of relationship comes with no real commitment besides each other’s promises.

But marriage is more than just a living arrangement, which up to the last few years, living arrangements were the only way that most gay people could have a committed relationship. The question might be, what does a piece of paper and some vows have to do with making a relationship work over just a living arrangement?

First, there’s the legal part of it which says that it’s not so easy to break it off as one packing their bags and heading out the door when there’s a piece of legal paper that says you’ve got more to think about before you end it all. There’s also the vows, and as far as religious gays – and believe me; there are some religious gays, such as myself, those vows are made before God and must be taken with all the seriousness that they should have.

I must say that heterosexuals have not been a very good example, for the last couple of decades. Divorce being so popular nowadays, you’d think that when someone walks down the aisle and makes those vows, back in their heads they’re thinking “We’ll try this out and if it doesn’t work, we can always get a divorce”. That’s a shame that people take marriage so lightly.

Then there’s being normal. I do know that thanks to those heterosexuals in my life who have judged me for being who I am as far as me being gay, have made me feel more times than I wish to remember; inferior, perverted, outcast, immoral and unwanted.  It took me a long time to realize that those feelings didn’t come from God but from narrow-minded individuals who chose to throw judgment at me and try to speak for God themselves.  I also came to realize that being gay was not something I could change no matter how guilty I felt about it. Can marriage change those feelings for gay people who are like me? I don’t know but I do think it will lead us in the right direction. It should be more than just about feelings but about being normal – that is what’s so important if gay people are to feel good about their selves.

Surely there will always be those who will look down on gay people though they get married or not and it doesn’t matter how normal their lives can become through marriage. We’ll still hear things like “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” though I beg to differ; God made Steve too. But what matters most here is not what some folks think but what gays think about themselves.

Then there’s envy; maybe the one thing I can relate to most. The reason why is because I well remember many lonely nights thinking about what it would be like to be able to love and then marry someone of my own choosing, just like some of the straight marriages I’ve known in my life. To be more specific, I had a terrible crush on an uncle of mine. He was married to the person I loved more than anyone; my aunt. And though I loved my aunt very much, I envied her also because she had what I wanted so much. I of course kept those feeling to myself but I can remember lying in bed and thinking about those two and what they had; there was nothing that I wanted more and nothing that would fulfill me more than being able to love and be with the one I love through marriage.

Gay marriage is well on its way to being accepted in our society and eventually I’m sure, the federal government will repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and more states will begin to allow it. I will never see my dreams come true as I’m growing old and I just don’t see it happening for me. But I look forward to the day I can see my gay brothers and sisters tie the knot and find happiness all across the country and in every state. I also hope that they put heterosexuals to shame when it comes to fidelity and commitment. Surely it’s a good thing and surely it will finally end much of the loneliness, the rejection, the guilt feelings and hopefully the suicides of many of the teens who’re growing up gay in households that fail to teach them that they should not be ashamed of who they are and of the natural feelings that they feel within themselves. And finally gay people can love and be loved, just as we all want to be.

Much hope for the future  and for a life of stability, normalcy and the end of envy because for once marriage is obtainable, even for gays.

2 Responses to Why Gay People Want to Get Married

  1. This is a great article. I don’t know how much longer it will take for closed minded people to understand the benefits of it. Also, it is inevitable, anyway. If my child was at a baseball or basketball game and two gay parents were with the rest of us, I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, not even slightly. I’d welcome it and want to include them as friends. Each child needs stability, support and love, and really, children don’t distinguish love from one to love from another, I don’t think. If I had been raised by my dad and another man, except for possible nastiness from other children we knew, my brother and I would have been fine.
    We may even have drawn some pride from it.

    • avatar fidlerten says:

      Thank you for such kind words and a considerate attitude concerning gay marriage.

      I was raised Pentecostal so I have friends who will never accept it. That’s okay too as I understand where they’re coming from. Still, I think that what some folks religious views are shouldn’t affect what governs our country.

      I appreciate your open mind.

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