Bullies Never Do

I’ve always had a big mouth and not enough fear. I’ve also had a tendency to jump in the middle of something that wasn’t any of my business, especially when I saw someone being bullied. I didn’t get bullied much in school myself, even though I was a puny thing. I suppose because for someone to bully me, they had to run the risk of having me go psycho on them. And, even bullies don’t want to deal with a psycho.

I kid mostly of course; it wasn’t until I became an adult that I really got the heck beat out of me; the first time coming out of a gay bar. There had been three huge guys earlier in the bar which didn’t look like they fit in, but then; gay bars are always open to whoever wants to come in except for a few lesbian bars I’ve been to in the past.

In that particular situation, I just happen to come out of the bar with a group of friends who were heading over to my house for a little private party. The three guys who had been in the bar earlier, were standing by the van I was driving and one of them was urinating on the driver’s side door and standing in my way. I asked him politely to please stop pissing on my van and he asked me what did I say and as I was repeating it, his friends jumped me from behind and I was pummeled to the ground with at least 750 pounds of flesh and muscle. Words like “Faggot” “C—ksucker” were lashed at me and I took a bad beating.

Shortly afterwards, they jumped into their car and took off. The only one standing was a young straight woman friend as all the gay friends I was with had run back inside in fear for their lives; gay men are not always known for their bravery I’m afraid. I wouldn’t have but then; I wasn’t the typical gay guy.

My female friend asked me if I was alright and I responded that I suppose I was. We went back inside the bar in which Tony, the guy who owned the bar and was also bartending that night, gasped when he took a look at my face. I looked in the mirror behind the bar and realized that I looked really bad. It took me a couple of weeks of healing to get back to normal.

But going back to my school days, I didn’t get beat up on much except from my own older brother who was quite a bully himself; he would beat up on me until I gave up.  So I was used to being beat up on, but I didn’t get beat up on that much at school. I did get called names that weren’t too flattering and I also got my share of threats but for some reason, I was usually able to avoid a fight. If someone started in on me as though they were going to beat me up, I never backed down unless I knew the odds were definitely against me, meaning there were more than one and then it was time to run, and I could really run.

There was one tall redheaded boy who constantly picked on me and threatened me with violence. He had me cornered one day in the boy’s bathroom. He just came way too close, with his big body blocking me from getting out of the bathroom. I simply brought a knee up into his crotch and pushed him out of the way. A strange look came over his face and he walked to a sink and grabbed onto it. Then slowly he bent at the waist in what was obvious serious pain. I told him before I left the bathroom “That will teach you to stay away from me.” And then I chuckled as I walked out the door.  He never bothered me again.

I was the kind of person who just never allowed the size of someone to hinder me from standing up to them, mostly because I was the smallest of brothers, being the runt of the litter that is. Even my younger brother was bigger than me. I also could not stand by and watch someone being bullied. I would step in and become the defender. I did this with my big mouth and sharp wit; at least I thought my wit was pretty sharp.  I saw a bully for who they were and that was a coward. Anyone who chose to find someone who was smaller and push their weight around with that individual was considered a bully in my books.

The old standard line would be “Pick on someone you own size.” I also like to add to that “But then; bullies never do.”

Yes, calling a bully for what they are is essential, you must demean them in front of everyone for doing what they’re doing, which is finding someone smaller to pick on because a bully never will pick on someone who is of their own size, especially someone bigger. They also always expect the smaller guy to tremble before them in fear. What they never expect is someone like me, getting in their face and standing them down, especially someone with a wild look in their eye as though they may go psycho at any moment. This throws them off of their game completely. That was how I survived my school years from elementary through high school.

I didn’t get that way easily but I woke every day to a psycho mother who yelled and screamed all through breakfast and this also manifested itself within me and all my brothers and sisters. We all screamed at each other and fought with each other. It took me years to get away from that stigma but it also taught me to turn my fears into rage and anger. All through my school years, if anyone dared tried bullying me or if I witnessed bullying, I could only feel rage. I might shake but the veins popping up in my forehead spelled “danger” to anyone, no matter how big the bully was.

So my experience with bullies was different from the average run-of-the-mill bullying experience; not that it was all good, being that I had a completely dysfunctional and abusive childhood but it did serve me well against bullies in school. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing a bully could do to me that I hadn’t already faced at home with my mother and my big brother.

So I say this to those who has to face a bully; stand up to them. I don’t mean just stand up to them but get in their face and show some rage. Now you might get beat down but most likely you’ll find that a bully is just a puny little coward inside. When they realize they’ve come up against a force they didn’t expect coming from a little guy, they’re most likely will take the easy way out and just back off of you.

Besides, bullies never pick on anyone their own size or bigger so that tells you a lot about how big and bad they are. Just tell them these simple words “Go pick on someone your own size. Oh but then; bullies never do”

4 Responses to Bullies Never Do

  1. I may have said this before but when i was in elementary school I was bullyed some and the school was powerless to stop it.

    When I arrived in middle school I decided that I would solve it. I recognized the danger of haing a reputation as a victim.

    I fought back and the problem was indeed solved.

    My children encountered the problem and I instructed them to fight back too.

    The Teacher or Principal can not protect your children.

    The Police can not protect your children.

    Only you can; by teaching them to protect themselves.

    I taught my bkids never to hit someone or pick on someone.

    i taught them though; to know how to hit someone to defend themselves.

    I told them that if someone hit them; they should hit back; hard, fast and often until the bully couldn’t or wouldn’t fight back and then to look them in the eye and say “The next time you mess with me; I’ll hurt you”.

    Dramatic? Yes. But surprizingly effective we found.

    If they lost; I taught them to try again and again until the bully stopped.

    They generally will because they get tired of the lack of fear in you. (they thrive on it)

    They may even develope that Macho respect for you that guys have.

    Either way you can stop it. You can fight back and BTW it is well worth the suspension from school you may get.

    There is no magical or administrative way to stop a bully.

    The answer is in your willingness to defend yourself no matter the odds. It is in your courage and determination not to show fear. it is in your ability to land a really good punch; somewhere tender so it hurts and keep doing it until the bully gives up.

    It is as simple and as disturbing and as difficult as that.

    So Bully! Fid; for fighting back and standing up and being brave when I know you must have been in fear.

    For telling us about it to bring it to the surface where someone else may be helped by your experience and mine as well perhaps.

    • avatar fidlerten says:

      I appreciate your comments very much. I think it’s important to put bullies in their place. I’ve met quite a few.

      In fact, I wrote this story on New Year’s Eve night but decided to wait until Monday to publish it, being that no one was reading blogs on New Year’s Eve night, so it was a good idea to save it.

      I then went to work at the hotel I work at which I knew was going to be a rough night; parties to quell and whatnot. Actually, I didn’t have any parties to quell but I got a call from a room, telling me that I might want to call the police as it sounded as though someone was fighting in the next room to them and someone had been thrown against the wall. I rushed upstairs to see what was going on and about the time I stepped off of the elevator, I heard the other elevator go down. I heard nothing on that floor and I had this feeling that the problem just moved downstairs. So I quickly got back on the elevator and headed down. As I came out into the lobby, a young lady came walking up to me with no blouse and no bra either. I had a sweater I had wore to work in the back and quickly got it for her and told her to put it on. She was bleeding badly from the mouth and nose and was crying hysterically. I tried to calm her so she could tell me what had happened. She finally went into the ladies restroom to clean up.

      Then this guy came in and threw is ID on the counter and wanted a key to the room I suspected was the room the problem had been in. It took me a while to figure out that he was probably the one responsible for beating her up. He went upstairs and got something and by that time I had called the police. When he came back downstairs he tried getting in the bathroom where the girl was and this other guest told him to leave her alone. The guy told him to mind his own business. Well, that upset me and I interfered and told him that it WAS my business as this happened to be the hotel I worked at. I asked him if he thought he was bad and mocked him for beating up on a woman. He told me I didn’t have any idea what went on. I told him it was quite obvious and then he stood there with his arms crossed trying to look tough. I asked him if he was challenging me. He told me he was just standing there and I said “It looks like you want to challenge me.”

      The police got there about then or I don’t know what would have happened. He talked to the police and I managed to get her out of the bathroom and calmed down enough to talk to them too. She wouldn’t tell them anything. I had the cop go upstairs with me and the girl to look at the room to be sure there wasn’t any damage. I didn’t see any damage to the hotel or furnishings so I told the cop, she could stay there but he had to leave. She wanted to go talk to him and the cop told her to stay in the room. I told her if she went with him, she’d have to leave too, otherwise she could stay there and relax for the night. She finally agreed and the cop told the guy he was banned from the hotel. I surprisingly had an easy night after that, besides people coming in all night but no more disturbances.

      Long story but I thought it quite a coincidence after just writing that blog.

  2. avatar valrfederoff says:

    I enjoy learning what it’s like for you men, especially the respect that comes with standing up for yourself. I think it’s a little different for girls and women. In my experience, I found principals and counselors unwilling to prevent a fight, but they didn’t hesitate to suspend. When it’s physical you get over it after the fight is over. But the spreading of untrue rumors and rigging membership in certain groups against you is another thing altogether. My research project on bullying supports your observations angryman and fiddlerten. Unfortunately, there is adult bullying and the police can’t protect you unless you are willing to give up dependence on certain relationships. It even comes in the form of sexual harassment at work.

    • avatar fidlerten says:

      Women can go through a type of bullying too, though it’s more likely to be some form of verbal abuse. Spreading untrue rumors is part of it. This is also part of the newer type of bullying; cyber-bullying. Both boys and girls have experienced being bullied by someone online and in some cases it has been tragic. It definitely deserves all the attention it’s been getting in the last few years.

      And yes, physical wounds will heal but wounds to someone’s spirit and mind don’t always; they can last a lifetime or even cause someone to end their lives prematurely. There’s some very sad stories out there concerning kids who have been treated cruelly by other kids.

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